Valentine Blues

A broken heart (or heartbreak) is a common metaphor used to describe the intense emotional pain or suffering one feels after losing a loved one, whether through death, divorce, breakup, physical separation, betrayal, or romantic rejection

I have to admit. Valentine?s day has always played a big part in my life. It marks my anniversary in showbiz. This year marks my 30th year. I should celebrate. But all I can think about right now is my broken heart. And until my heart mends? I won?t be doing much celebrating. I pray that when I do find the courage to celebrate, you will be there with me.?

I am heartbroken. The man I love is never coming back. I am sometimes (still) in denial. I had to go to Heritage yesterday and replay images in my mind of him being there, inside his tomb. As I stood there talking to him, ?I did some complaining because ?it felt like a Teleserye scene. I mean, yes, how many times have I done this scene in a Teleserye?! ?Tumayo ka sa puntod at umiyak ka habang nag mo-monologue ka, Zsazshing! And? action!?

It felt like some karmic joke. I wasn?t in the mood to laugh. So I stood there- self-conscious, a bit mad at the whole situation? and in tears. My life feels like a movie. Damn it.?

I was at a wedding the other night and was told by someone who made a movie with him, that she also lost someone dear and that she visits the person she lost ?2-3x a week. She said that she felt ?physically? closer to him. I wondered why I can?t seem to make the same connection.?

And so, standing there yesterday, I came to a conclusion: ?Lovey, let?s just chat at home, over coffee, as we always do in the mornings. I like it better that way.?

Some of you reading this might just be having Valentine blues like me. We can?t pretend it?s not coming. And we can?t be bitter ?coz we have to be happy for those lovesick fools we call our friends and family. They?re in love! We get it. We get it.

People say, ?Love is contagious?. The idea of love should put a smile on my face then? Right now, all I feel is a smirk coming. But on the upside, i know this feeling will go away. If you?re in love and reading this, I am happy for you. Sincerely. *Smirk.